Distance is Difficult

Though I’ve been told that getting into vet school is the hardest thing I’ll do, I’ve also been told by  many that long distance relationships are the hardest thing to accomplish and it will never last. It’s always hurtful to hear this, especially when it’s from the person you want to try it with. It shouldn’t be that bad, right? As long as you love them, distance shouldn’t matter, right?

Not right. It’s hard to make someone a priority when you don’t have their presence to remind you to put them first. It’s not that you don’t care about them, it’s that other problems, activities, and relationships are right in front of you while your significant other might only be on your phone. It naturally happens and eventually one of you is mad that the other cancelled another skype date, didn’t return a call, or hasn’t really been “there” when texting you. It’s particularly shitty when during an argument; it’s hard to walk away from a person you’re mad at, but it’s pretty easy to turn off a phone. Sometimes, long distance relationships can make you feel pretty insignificant.

I’ve been in one for over a year now. It’s hard to say how long we’ve really been together. I guess we started dating in May 2013 and then called it quits at the end of the summer, only to realize that we missed each other and wanted to try and make it work. Our official anniversary is November 1st, 2013, but I always answer differently when I answer how long we’ve been together. Either way, it’s a lot longer than any of my friends or family thought “the long distance thing” was going to last.

It was really rough the first year. We were constantly fighting and arguing. He’d be mad that I was too busy to answer his text, and I’d be mad that he wouldn’t write sweet things to me enough. We threatened to break up every week. I feel badly for my roommates now as I look back, they must have hated me for always crying over a boy.

This year is different. There’s less fighting. There’s an obvious correlation between the amount of time we’ve been apart and the amount that we argue, but we can see that a bit more now. I still get mad when he doesn’t say sweet things enough and it feels like he’s too busy for me, but it’s something I can live with. I’m sure it will only get worse when I go away to school, but luckily he plans on moving down with me after he graduates in December, 2015.

The hardest part is trust. There have been very few occasions where I haven’t trusted him – most of the points I’ve brought up have only been brought up to make a point that I do trust him. Unfortunately, despite always staying faithful, never comparing him to anyone, and never doing/posting/saying anything inappropriate about another guy, he doesn’t do the best at trusting me. He gets upset if I tell him I want to go out to a bar or to a dance. He doesn’t like hearing that I have guy friends at school. It’s not realistic, and it isn’t fair.

I’m sure that it will work itself out, but tonight it’s in the way of our relationship and of me having fun. I already limit myself on the fun that I have out of fear of falling behind in this battle to vet school; trying to accommodate his insecurities isn’t really helping.

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